When I confronted her, she went berserk and told me I was the one was had been lying the whole time. There’s nothing quite like being accused of being a hoax by a clinically insane human being to really rattle your nerves.

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She regaled me with stories of elephants, orphans, and zebras.

I became heartbroken when she told me that a large number of her friends had mysteriously contracted HIV.

Every time I tried to intervene and talk to this wayward roommate, she would tell me he wasn’t home or he had stopped his panty thievery.

Eventually, we became official and things got steadily more romantic.

It would be impossible to remain calm at this point, so I went as far as to look through her journals. A pretty picture of a tree that she said she drew because it reminded her of me.

I scanned it, plugged it into Google — you guessed it.

Her roommate had fallen in love with her and had apparently stolen a bunch of her underwear and hidden them in her room.

I gasped and commented on how surreal it seemed, like it was taken from a movie.

On dates, I’d question women and cross-examine them, fearing they weren’t telling me the truth.